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What to do when an elderly parent refuses care or care-at-home options?

Looking after your elderly parents can be a time consuming and exhausting process. Witnessing your parents losing their strength, both mentally and physically can come at quite a shock. It can be frustrating when a parent refuses the at-home care and help they so desperately need, so how do we convince our loved ones that accepting domiciliary or live-in help is nothing to be ashamed of?

Having an open and honest conversation with your loved one and the rest of the family about live-in care can make the home help process easier and more approachable. One to one conversations with the elderly person is the best way to approach, as getting together may lead to the senior feeling attacked, concerned and overwhelmed. 

The best approach is to ensure the parent/ relative feels as though they are having a discussion and are appreciated, whilst conveying the importance of them getting help, and being firm with how it is going to be. You want to make it a positive change by talking about all the things that they will benefit from, instead of highlighting the issues that they are faced with. It is important to be positive instead of negative about the situation.

Parents love their children and do not want to become a burden to them. Tell them, without passing blame, how it is affecting you, mentally and physically, and that you just want to give them the best and reliable care they can have. Let them know that with this support, it means that yourself and them can spend more quality time together. You do not want to make the senior feel like you are pressuring them into a decision.

Giving them time to process allows the loved one to know that their opinion is important.  A lot of seniors see hiring a carer as giving up their independence, however the opposite is true; assistance, especially live-in care, offers companionship & independence without the need of the relative, peace of mind and more time to enjoy a quality life.

Nobody wants to be told what to do with their life. Therefore, instead of imposing your opinion, ask how they would propose to solve the problem, offering options for how the situation could develop.


  • Talk to the Family
  • Talk to the senior
  • Show your feelings
  • Do Not push
  • Be empathetic
  • Talk about the Benefits
  • Give them a bit (even if just the illusion) of control


If you are interested in live-in or domiciliary care for your loved ones, contact us today.


Further Reading

Caring For A Loved One


Social Care and Support 


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